It has been a couple of years since my blog was hacked and then after somehow, I could not make up myself to resume blog. I was always waiting for a good day to start my blog again.
This is 2016 and it is exactly five years since my father left this world and today is his 72nd birthday and I guess it is a perfect day to write a blog on him. I always believed that I should keep my feelings about him private and it is not something which should be shared in public domain, however today I want to do this purposely and I want my kids to read this now and in future, in fact I want them to come back to this at every stage of life to understand how your feelings can change about your parents especially towards your father.
So, Dear Annika, Adit, Ayush, Rudra and Ved here you go ..
My Father, Mahendrabhai Ramanlal Kansara/Ahmedabdi was youngest child of his parents and his childhood must have been passed in very poor condition, I would assume that they must have even struggled to earn breads. However, I am sure that my grandfather (Ramanlal) being a very small businessman must have tried all his best to make his family happy. Annika and Rudra (When you can read this) you would not be able to imagine the lifestyle and hardship he (your grandfather) must have faced. However, despite of all hardship he could finish his school and even graduation with arts during those days when education was not so popular. He managed to get couple of jobs before he finally joined State Bank of India. He spent his enter career then with this Bank till he got his retirement with VRS, Voluntary retirement scheme. He spent very good and comfortable time after retirement and managed a grand marriage of your father and ‘foi’ during this period. Only his last 3-4 years were not healthy and he struggled a lot. I was enough fortunate to remain along with him during these years and I can say that he was very brave man. He fought all his illness kept his positivity about life. It was only last few months when he did not have good time but I don’t want you to read all those unfortunate events, I want you to know all his strengths and weaknesses.
It is very important for both of you to know all about your grandfather because I have inherited not only DNA but also many cognitive and behavioral traits from him. As I had dislike and likes (towards my father) you would also have same with your father.
I don’t want to lie by saying that he was the best father in the world and I liked all about him, no this is not true but I can tell you he was great human being. He must have many undesirable qualities and I may be knowing some of them but that is not the point, every human being is imperfect when you compare him/her with someone else. Personality is relative term and it is impossible to evaluate it independently.
The most admirable quality of him was that he did all for his family, he never thought of doing anything individually, he never went to any party with his friends, never went on any so called individual adventure tours or travel. Wherever he has travelled he travelled with entire family and I know he never enjoyed travelling much, he would be sleeping during entire journey but he was happy by knowing that we are enjoying and I know that was only his objective. We were fortunate to see lots of places with him, both religious and natural.
He was so found of Indian junk foods and I still remember every Saturday whenever he came early from work, he would surely bring snacks with him. He would also bring something home whenever he got his salary at end of the month.
I also don’t want to be so idealistic by saying that my father was like a friend to me but he was a good father like any father from a small city like Bharuch. When I was in school and started observing other parents I started (also) feeling that my father is missing lots of things, he does not know how to make friends, he is not modern, he is not adventures like other fathers and so on.
He also was never involved in our studies and many times even forgot in which standard his kids are. In our school, we never had parents’ meeting so I don’t know whether he would have attended such meeting or not but I know he was not so much involved in our studies. He never talked to us about our career like “What you want to do in my life? What kind of studies I want to do? He also never talked to me in private or advised me that I should be doing this or I should not be doing this.
You know, he had quite loud voice (genetically) like your father and I know you feel embarrassed many times due to our loud voice. We also felt same for our father and many times I felt he is unnecessary shouting. However today I know that in all his such behaviours it was more ‘concerns’ about us.
These are the few weaknesses of him which I can share with you and you know, despite of all these he was a great father and this is because he did whatever he could for his family. He tried to give us the best we can get during those times, we got few clothes and toys but we got better than what our friends could get that time. Whenever he did shopping he preferred to buy the best available quality in the market. He was not rich and never spent much money, he was more a ‘saving’ guy and preferred to save before spending. Today, we are having better social security only because of his ‘saving’ nature and your grandmother knows this far better than me.
As I wrote he was never involved in our studies but he made sure that we get the best possible education and provide us freedom to persuade the life we select without influencing his own dreams or desires.
He was also very handsome and you know I used to call him ‘James Bond’, he had very good dressing sense and good color preferences. I do remember wearing lots of his clothes while I was in college.
The other major quality he had was honesty and simplicity and he also paid price for being an honest but he never changed his attitude. He could not understand the complexity of people and money.
The best thing he gave us was ‘freedom’ and this he gave us this implicitly it was not something he thought of , he was just like that and that’s what we (Your parents) want to give you.
We miss you Papa !!!